It's that time again...

Well here we are again... Now I'm finally dealing with the reality of never waking up on Christmas morning with little kids excited to see what Santa brought. It's hard but I'm coming to terms with it. It would be easier if everyone understood that just because you seem "ok" with it... I'm NOT! It's hard to imagine never seeing your parents as grandparents, your sisters as aunts and your grandparents as great grandparents. Being the oldest I always want to please everyone. I feel as though no matter how hard I try it is NEVER good enough. I fall SO short everyday!! I feel worthless. I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I am almost 28 years old and I'm living with my parents and have nothing to show for my life. I will go on... I will pretend everything is perfect even though it's not. And I will pray that I can be the happy person I pretend to be.