Sunday, November 20, 2011
It's that time again...
Well here we are again... Now I'm finally dealing with the reality of never waking up on Christmas morning with little kids excited to see what Santa brought. It's hard but I'm coming to terms with it. It would be easier if everyone understood that just because you seem "ok" with it... I'm NOT! It's hard to imagine never seeing your parents as grandparents, your sisters as aunts and your grandparents as great grandparents. Being the oldest I always want to please everyone. I feel as though no matter how hard I try it is NEVER good enough. I fall SO short everyday!! I feel worthless. I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I am almost 28 years old and I'm living with my parents and have nothing to show for my life. I will go on... I will pretend everything is perfect even though it's not. And I will pray that I can be the happy person I pretend to be.
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ReplyDeleteI can honestly say, I understand... I am 28 years old and now it is officially impossible for me to carry a baby, give birth and create for my husband the family he deserves. It is so easy to pretend with that smile on your face and go around greeting everyone with a, " I'm doing great"... " Everything is going well..." my favorite, " I can't complain." At least dearest, you have a future.... God is NOT done with YOU!! I DO know that... Heaven only knows how long I will be here, 5,10, 20 more years.... try that on for size.... am I a happy person, I try very hard and in some ways I'm better at faking it on some days.... My dear you are a rock, and your endurance gives me courage... I am so thankful that you are there, even though we live so far apart, it seems like our lives take the same twists in one way or another and it is a blessing to have a friend that I can relate to. You are always in my prayers dearest. Forever and always,
Katrina