Although I have spent the day Christmas shopping & wrapping gifts I can't help but have a heavy heart. I feel so lonely here by myself all day... I get to pick Matt up in about an hour and I can't hardly wait. Every year I get ready for Christmas, put all my decorations up and put on my "happy face". But really on the inside I am so sad. Every Christmas comes & goes and still no baby. I can't understand what we have done to deserve this? All I seem to do is cry when I am at home by myself. My mind just wonders.... And I wonder if we will EVER have a baby? Will someone every walk up to me and call me Momma? Will my touch be the only thing to make a baby stop crying? Will I ever get to experience getting to buy maternity clothes? All I keep hearing is "it will all be okay", how do they know? I understand that God has a plan for us and I want to do what he has for me BUT I just can't help but be sad...
On a happy note I will get to spend the evening and tomorrow with my fabulous husband!! I am SO thankful for such a wonderful man in my life!
i can't completely understand, but in different ways i can. my heart hurts for you b/c i know how bad that yours hurts. and yes, god does have a plan for you, but at times like these sometimes it's hard to see and hard to feel him with you... and it's okay to get mad at him- he can take it!
ReplyDeletelove you so much big sister!! :)