Very hard day...

Well I shouldn't say it was a bad "day"....Matt got to ride with me! He surprised me right before I was leaving.  I was SO excited!!! Then we stopped and got gas on the way there, Matt found a penny heads up!! He felt like it was a good sign.  We drove to Cincy, the took some blood, and we left.  We stopped to eat on the way home.  Matt and I were having a great time together.  We talked about "baby stuff" on the way home... Now looking back I wonder why I let myself get excited... They called and left us a message at 3:46 with our "bad news".  I just can't understand why? What have we done to deserve this? And why are there so many people who have them but don't even want them? Maybe it's not our "time" but I don't want to be 40 and having kids.. I want to enjoy my children.  I pray that God will open our hearts and minds to what's next for us... I pray it comes soon.. Really not sure how much more of this I can take... I feel like I leave a piece of myself with every negative test... And there isn't much left.

Today is the day!!

I am sitting here enjoying my cup of coffee & Good Morning America.... trying to keep my mind off of TODAY!!!!  I will find out if I'm a mom or not... I had a dream last night that my Doc told me I was prego with BOTH embroyos!!! I'm pretty sure I wouldn't find out any of that yet but IT IS a positive thought!!!! Two hours is a long time to drive in the rain by myself.. lucky for me I'll be talking to my Jesus the whole way!!!! I know it is in his hands!! Praying....

It's a waiting game...

Still waiting... feels like forever but I know it will be worth it!!  I did do something bad today... I took a pregnancy test.. and it was negative.  Words can't really describe how much my heart is aching.  I know that a negative test doesn't mean I am not pregnant but it just worries me.  It is difficult for me to think about but I have to start to process the fact that I may never get to experience the wonderful joy of carrying a baby.
I DO believe in GOD and believe that he will give me the desires of my heart... There is nothing I have ever wanted more than this.. Please GOD let this be it!!